Chris and I decided to set up this blog so we can share our life with our two great kids and with our third due April 23, 2010. It is something we have been wanting to do since our first child was born, but never got around to it. Now it just seems like a great thing to do to keep our thoughts and everyone informed as to what’s happening with our lives and to document/journal important information . As you may or may not know, our† third child has been diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and it’s a journey that we will be entering or are already in which, we feel will be a total life transformation, an emotional rollercoaster and we will be or are being tested in everything from, our faith to our commitments to eachother and we will come out of all of this so much stronger and with so much more love and appreciation for everything in life and the many blessing that we have already received. for more information on to what HLHS is and how and when we found out about this go to “Baby Torrens”
Chris and I met when I was 24 and he was 30. We started of as friends but
We have now been married 4.5years and feel we have been through a lot of wonderful things in our lives. There is always struggles of course, I don’t think we would be human if we said we had everything perfect and figured out because we sure don’t. We got married in June 2005 and decided we were going to wait 1year to have kids. Sure enough we were blessed with Hayden after almost a year of being married. He was born Dec 23rd of 2006. It was about 5months after Chris’s Dad passed away unexpectedly. Hayden was such a blessing to everyone in the family. First grand child on my side and 4th on Chris’s side. I will talk more about our boy under “Hayden Torrens” Adjusting to having a baby after just being the two of us wasn’t too bad. We loved having a little person in the house, we did miss not sleeping, but it was all worth it. We celebrated Hayden’s 1st Birthday and soon after we found out we were pregnant with our precious little princess Hayley. I can’t say I was really ready for another baby, I was really enjoying my time with Hayden. Everyone that asked me when the second one was coming, I would say not for a while because i did want to wait until Hayden was at least 2 or 3 years old. Well God said it’s time for the next one and Hayley was born on Aug 23rd, 2008 exactly 20months apart from Hayden. Of course we fell madly in love with our little girl and I was just so grateful to have one of each a boy and a girl and in the order that Chris said he wanted them. I remember being so nervous when I found out I was pregnant with Hayley and having thoughts like “how am I a going to love another child as much as my first” and now I think about how silly that thought really was. The moment they put her in my arms I loved her immensely and in a special way that I do for both of my kids. They are both individuals and different in so many ways and I love that they are different, I love their uniqueness and specialness about them. Life is so full of wonderful memories with both of them and can’t imagine not having either of them at this point in my life. I just thank God every second of the day for them because they sure fill up my heart with tremendous amount of love, can’t even explain it how much.
Life looked perfect if you were to look from the outside, I mean we have been blessed with just abundance from the moment we met. We both had good jobs and had our careers in check at the time and we were able to buy a brand new house when we were married and able to fill it with things. We truly have been blessed from the moment we met and knew we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together and sharing and dreaming about our futures together. Marriage is always tough but we are thankful God is in the middle of it. We have had struggles of course and continue to do so, but nothing we won’t overcome. Having kids brings a whole lot of new challenges for sure, from changing diapers to how to discipline them and be in agreement in doing so.
So now we are a family of four and people make comments about having the million dollar family that everyone wants. Well it wasn’t the end of us adding to the family, even though at times I thought for sure that’s it, no more kids, specially in challenging times with them. I said God has blessed me with One boy and One girl and I am sooo grateful for that and can’t ask for anything more really.
So soon after we had celebrated Hayley’s 1st Birthday something just didn’t feel right, I was soo tired all the time. I waited and waited and really didn’t want to get tested of fear of being pregnant again at this time in my life. Finally I decided to go into the clinic and get tested and I remember being so nervous and I had to go on my own because Chris was waiting in the car with the kids. It was a Sunday right after church. I remember it was a random Dr that I had never met before and told me, “test is POSITIVE” I don’t know what he saw in my face but said “I’ll give you some time and write it in your chart” I wanted to get out of there so fast and probably did. I said thank you and as soon as I got to the car, I couldn’t hold my tears any longer, I started bawling my eyes out and didn’t want the kids to really see me like that, but I couldn’t control it. Once we got home we put them both to have a nap and i just sat in the couch with Chris just crying and crying and told and asked him. how am I going to do this, I don’t think I can do this, I already have such a hard time with 2 kids, how am I going to do it all? He assured me we will be fine and he was happy because he has always wanted four kids he says. I kept telling him, your not the one that deals with them 24/7. I just felt so horrible having feelings of not being ready for another child, I hated that feeling, I mean I didn’t understand why I would feel that way. I have a wonderful, loving husband and two wonderful kids, we are stable in our relationships, why wouldn’t I be happy to add to our family? Why was I feeling so overwhelmed about this pregnancy? I didn’t even want to tell anyone about it and left it up to Chris to do it after telling our family which we decided to tell them for thanksgiving dinner. Even that didn’t go over to well because I remember Chris and I were arguing about disciplining Hayden and I was just emotional about everything really. Chris told everyone really fast and nobody looked super happy, not sure why to this day but that was kind of discouraging to say the least. I don’t think we will ever get the same excitement and reaction that we did when we first told them we were 1st pregnant with Hayden I suppose. I guess it looses it’s affect after the first one.
I think that even to this day I feel horrible for having such negative feelings about this pregnancy at the beginning and how selfish I have been in wanting everything to be easy with just the two kids and Chris and it was comfortable. I think now how could I be so mean and almost ungrateful to God for wanting to bless me even more with another beautiful child, to add to our family and our life story. At first I thought after finding out the news about our baby’s heart condition, I thought God was trying to punish me . Now I know how silly those thoughts were as well. God didn’t cause this or did this to our baby, he loves our baby and wants what’s best for all of us. I remember amongst all the mix of emotions reading part of this passage on someones facebook status and since than, it’s been part of my journey and I am holding on to it and just trusting and believing that all of this is for a reason.
Jerimiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord. ”
I have asked God for forgive me for having those thoughts and not really trusting in him. I thank him now every day for this baby and for the blessing he/she will bring to our lives. All I want is to hold this little person which I have been given the privilege to be his/her Mom. I am going to nurture this little person and love and ensure they grow up to be strong and someone of great faith.
Hi Gabby,
What a wonderful way to share your story! I believe this will be such a blessing to you and to everyone who reads it.
Your blog is so honest and real. God Bless you for sharing your true feelings, fears and the incredible love you have for Chris and your family.
“He’s got the Whole World in his Hands”…it’s a sweet Sunday School song but I just thought of it and picture you, Chris, Hayden, Hayley and your baby-to-be in the palm of his hand.
Love,
Christine
Wow, I really appreciate what you are doing here; expressing your honesty and feelings in such a way as this. I also really like the layout of this blog; with everything coming up out of the grass! 🙂
So, having prayed for you many times and the opportunity to discuss briefly with you today about your upcoming trip has helped this become even more real in my life; we do not know what God is up to but He will see you through this. I KNOW God ‘can’ completely heal this baby right now; and we pray for this so that it will reveal His glory and miraculous power. However, may His will be done, while providing you peace and strength when you need it.
You are both greatly loved, and will miss you while you are dealing with things in Edmonton. Our prayers go with you, and I hope you and others will keep this blog active. May God go with you, carry you, and bless you. Let us (your church family) know if there is anything we can do on the “little things” here at home; while both of you and God take care of the much bigger things while in Edmonton.
Love and prayerful,
Rob
Dear Chris, Gabby, Hayden and Hayley
God bless you as a family and the beautiful example you set.
With the new little one on it’s way there must be excitement and a certain amount of fear in the air. It’s only human and may God protect your family and make you stronger.
Thank you for sharing your deepest emotions with us.
I know the feeling of “how will I love the one as much as the next” as our son is 10 years older than his sister and at the time I thought “how will I ever catch up on that 10 year headstart he has on the next baby” but my dearest Mother in law said I should wait and see and I will love them the same but differently. How right she was!
Be strong and remember, you have a loving blood related family as well as a church family supporting you all the way.
Warm regards
Leon, Louise and family
Hi, Chris & Gabby,
I just return home from the Garden of Gethsemane to do my prayers. I always talk to your Dad, I find peace in the garden, Today, I spent more time in the garden than usual.My prayers will always follow you wherever you @ Gabby and the children are. Take care I am eager to know where you are now, perhaps close to Revelstoke?
Love, Mom
Addendum to my previous message,
I just read your journal, the honesty of how you brought out your feelings bring tears to my eyes ( although I already knew most of it) I admire you for it. Chris is like his Dad always,always thoughtful very caring and loving for his family… Chris will do the same to his own family.
Love, Mom Lina
Chris & Gabby
Just like your mom and probably everyone else that has read this blog, it brought tears to my eyes. I too admire your honesty but more than that I am inspired by your faith in our Lord.
Jan & I are asking God for a miracle that Baby Torrens be healed, and we are asking for strength, courage and peace for you and Chris.
Psalm 38:15
I wait for you,O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.
With all hope in Him, God Bless
Martin
Dear Gabby,Chris,Hayden,Hayley and Baby Torrens,
I am happy to follow the everyday update of your progress report in Edmonton. Glad to hear Hayden & Hayley are adjusting well. It reminds of our traveling in the past when you are at Hayden’s age and Hayley at Darlene’s age, when traveling you and Darlene were in your best behavior anticipating what’s coming ahead. Kids are very resilient even when they are away from the comforts of their homes, everyday is a new discovery ready to discover new things. I am missing them already. Tell Hayden and Hayley that Gran says HELLO! I Love you ALL! I bit Hayden was so excited to see the big train in Edmonton mall as compared to the PIQUITO TRAIN that we normally watch at the Art’s nursery. Hayden,perhaps Grandma can watch with you those big rides in Edmonton mall okay?
I finally organized my trip to Edmonton. Here’s my itinerary:
Leaving Abbotford Airport @ 7:15 AM April 15, 2010
Arriving Edmonton @ 9:32 AM (same day)
WestJet WS 0398
I allow myself a lot of flexibility in anticipation of the unpredictability of Gabby,s pending delivery.
1. I could change my flight if you need me sooner
2. If you can not meet me at the airport I can call someone who can.
3. I will be staying with my (old Nursing Classmate) while in Edmonton
and be ready for you whenever you need me.
4. When the baby is born I have an accommodation close to the
University Hospital few blocks away.
We keep ourselves busy. Makayla’s big day for first Communion is this coming Sunday April 11. We miss you all. Take care and have a lot of rest and sleep.
Love, Mom Lina
Dear Chris and Gabby,
Just reading both of your thoughts and could really feel the various emotions you are going through. Everytime we hear the “I can only imagine song” we think of dad and not sure why but before he passed I (Dar) wrote something to him in a Mercy me book with that song and I wrote in it something to the effect gotten from a veggie tale video, where the father talks to the son and says “faith is being sure of what we hope for and believing what we cannot see”. I think that’s how it goes, but there is truth in it.
God Blesses those with these unexpected events, and turns it into something miraculous. He will answer prayers, maybe not how we want them to be answered but he will, on his time.
You are in our prayers
May god grant you peace and serenity to get through this process.
Love Andrew and Darlene,
and the kids Makayla, Maxwell and Makayla
Dear Gabby & Chris,
It is very important for me to let you know how I feel about this coming baby. First I will assure you that I love this coming baby as much as I love all my grandkids not any less…each and everyone of them has a unique personalities and you can help loving them. I am always with you both in good times and bad times, in your trials and tribulations I am always with you. Every time I call and pray to God is centered with coming new baby, I am calling God always in my time of waking and even sleeping, I want you to believe that. The bible study (24 weeks of study) help me a lot and understanding God even more.
Please understand that I used to work at the HIGH RISK LABOUR and DELIVERY FOR OVER 40 YEARS and looking after the high risk baby shortly after delivery and those that did not make it brought tears in my eyes. I cried for those babies. But that was JUST ME!
ADDENDUM: TO MY PREVIOUS MESSAGE
“Sorry, I was cut off.. pressing the wrong button”.
I have more trust in the technology and I believe that God will perform HIS MIRACLE through the SKILLED HANDS OF THE SURGEON. IT IS GOD’S WAY. HIS WAY..and I ask God to understand his way.. the only way to get our relationship closer to HIM. TRUST THE LORD!
MOM LINA TORRENS…. I LOVE YOU!
Dear Gabby,
I have never see you waddle in your last 2 pregnancies. It seems funny now to think that are indeed pregnant. You always carried yourself well.
Sunday was very busy for us here. It was centered on Makayla’s first communion. She looks so beautiful in her long white dress and a halo of white flowers on her hair. I will be bringing some pictures. I was also entertaining Lenny Dagondon from Edmonton (she is here attending a wedding)I will be staying at her house starting April 22nd. She is a nurse at the University Hospital at the Maternity ward I know her though endorsement by my nursing classmate Dedeth Amores. They are all helping and was touched by their generosity.
Is there anything that you want me to bring? Think about it tonight and I will phone you tomorrow night. I love you all! and missing you all!
Love, MOM Lina Torrens
Hey Chris , Gaby and family,
how are ya guys doing ?
We hope that all of you are doing well
Our prayers are with you all
We pray for a succeessful delivery and that baby torrens will be triumphant over this obstacle.
Our thoughts are with you.
Hows everything in edmonton? hope ya guys are being confortable there . hows the weather there?
We hope to see you soon, with that lovable bundle of joy when you guys get back.
We’ll check back with ya’ll later
We Love Ya and Miss ya Ubers !
Take Care
Andrea and Dom
April 27,2007 SHARING MY THOUGHTS
This is my 13 days here in Edmonton to be with my family from the time Gabby was in labor up to the present. Together with America (Gabby Mom) it was quite a ride. One thing though…PRAYERS help us in everything we do. Our trust in GOD never waiver and makes as closer to HIM. In my waking and even sleeping hours I called GOD and prayed and prayed for our dear little Hudson. I was amazed of the support and prayers of friends and families. GOD is kind, I am thankful of Chris and Gabby’s blog because they are now a GOOD ADVOCATE of a newborn with HLHS. They could be of great help and support for those families trying to cope up and understand this syndrome. I believe this is GOD’S way…as everything in life….there is a reason.
Yesterday was the first day that the grandma’s were allowed to visit Hudson, in as much as I anticipated this moments I was overwhelmed. When I was working at the high risk area in labour and delivery for over 40 years, I was always getting a feedback from my head nurses of how calm I was in every stressful situation. But why now … here with Hudson, when the heart monitor was blaring indicating the oxygen saturation went down to 62% my knees went jelly and I feel I had to pass out. I prayed and God was with me. I was okay… I asked for the blood gases result and I was told It was good and even better than the last result.
I thank God for giving me a chance to be with my family in this trying period of our life.
Mom Lina