Wednesday June 30th

Well it’s wednesday June 30th or wait… it’s midnight so I guess it’s Thursday July 1st? Oh wait it’s Canada day DOH!  We get to miss it… Oh well, next year.  It’s been 5 days at the hospital already, that almost went fast.  We even got to spend our 5th year anniversary at the hospital, well I did, Chris had to be with the other two kids.   Time does fly when you’re busy with 3 kids especially when one needs special care, trying to coordinate who will take care of which kid and making sure Hudson is never alone in his hospital room.  So far we have managed pretty good.  Our family of course always comes through for us and we couldn’t do it without them, truly we just couldn’t.  I know I would be crazy by now if I didn’t have the amount of support I have from them and from friends.   Well there has been times where I do feel like screaming and just bursting into tears because it can get overwhelming not being able to be there with all the 3 kids and there has been times where I’ve had to bring them to the hospital and I just want to rip my head off because  all I am doing is telling them not to touch anything and to just stay still and of course that’s nearly impossibly to ask a 3.5year old and a 22month old.  I think I am just mainly frustrated with myself when I get cranky with the kids, just because I am so overwhelmed with stuff that it seems anything annoys me, just little things like them talking loud and they are kids UGHH!! I hope my kids won’t resent me for being such a psycho mom sometimes.

Anyways, it’s been a rough week to say the least.  As Chris already mentioned a regular check up turned into a hospital stay for a week almost now.  Hudson is needing oxygen because his saturation levels are declining, gradually, but still declining to the 60’s and that’s not good for him because he’s not getting enough oxygen to his body.  He really doens’t seem any different unless your looking at the numbers, he sometimes looks a little bit more bluish, but I often think it’s the lighting in the room, but really it’s not, he is actually a bit bluish. The cardiologist says that he is still too small for his saturation levels to start declining so that is what was so concerning to them so that is why they decided to do the CT scan which turn out to be a good thing because it showed that he does have a narrowing from the sano shunt to the pulmonary arteries which will need to be stretched out to open proper flow to the lungs and to give us time for his next surgery, which shouldn’t happen for at least 2 more months for now.  So the cath they are planning on doing is going to buy us some time for him to grow more and be ready for his next surgery in a couple of months.

So now we sit and wait for him to have his cath instead of going home with oxygen, they want us to stay in hospital until cath is completed which means we are here for at least another week or so, which isn’t great because it means more juggling the kids around which just breaks my heart.  I am now starting to see how much all of this change is actually affecting them.  They are more clingy towards me and Hayden decided he wasn’t going to be potty trained any more and Hayley walks around saying “It’s ok, daddy is coming” when something goes wrong she thinks daddy or mommy can fix it all it’s sooo cute, mainly big tough Daddy HE! HE!

So have I said how much we dislike the hospital and we’re sure Hudson does more so than anyone else.  He hates having the oxygen prongs on his face poking up his nose, like hates it.  I’ve never ever seen him move his head from side to side soooo much trying to get them off of his face, he is constantly trying to pull it off.  He can also smell the people that try to come and draw out blood for testing, he starts to loose his mind alongside with Mommy because I really hate it when they poke him to take more blood out.  Thats the thing that bugs me the most about hospital stay, they think they can come everyday and draw blood out of him and make him cry to the point where he’s so pale, it is extremely heart wrenching.  I know sometimes it’s necessary to have his blood drawn but not all the time and that’s what bothers me soooo much.  Chris and I have put up signs on his crib that no one is allowed to take blood from him unless we are here and we literally don’t leave his room in fear of someone trying to take his blood.  He now has an IV but nothing going through it, they just put it in because of the CT scan they had to do, but he’s got two, one on his hand and foot, really annoying actually, so much harder to pick him up with all this stuff GRRR!!!  Well if you haven’t been able to tell I am really frustrated, but at the same time I know we have to stay in hospital until he gets his cath and it’s for the best for him, this will help him out a great deal.

One great thing is that he still is gaining weight very well and eating very well, so that is something to be sooo grateful for because without him not gaining it would mean he would have to have the NG tube back in and we really don’t want to go there, so I am sooo thankful he is still doing well in that department.  He’s getting soooo long and almost doens’t look like a tiny baby anymore 🙁 sad in a way but great because I know he’s growing healthy in that sense.  He is 10lbs today, YEAY!!!

Anyways that’s my venting out moment, Ok feel slightly better.

–Gabby