“Before the morning”

This song was sent to me soon after we found out about Hudson’s heart condition which was at around 20weeks of being pregnant. A friend of ours emailed it to Chris and I and told us that this song was written for two parents that had a baby with Hypoplastic Left Heart. When I first played the video it was very emotional just to listen to the story of their boy and found it very encouraging also because he is now 8yrs old living with Hypoplastic Left Heart. It made me feel like we had lots of hope for our unborn baby at the time.

Lately I had another friend email me about this story and tells me how this song has touched her life, and ever since all I hear on the radio is this song and all I find myself is humming the lyrics to this song.

I especially love the part that say’s the following:
“Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming”

I think about now how Hudson is almost 1month old and has already undergone one of the most extensive if not the most extensive heart surgery to exist and has pulled through it amazingly and how he had to endure a physical pain and for us is more of an emotional pain or emotional rollercoaster, yet from the moment I saw my little angel the joy of being his mommy is so overwhelming that the pain is no longer there, that we are getting through all of this because God gives us the strength and is showing us that yes he’s gone through a lot of physical pain but the reward is grand, life is just so much better with our newest addition. We don’t have him home yet but soon we will and all that emotional rollercoaster will be nothing in comparison to the joy Hudson brings to our hearts. To hold my little man makes life so simple and wonderful and cozy.

I sometimes find myself thinking back when I first found out about this pregnancy and how I felt not ready for it and how I had a hard time accepting this gift God was trying to give me. I realize now that even though it was a tough time, it was above and beyond worth having aches and pains through the pregnancy.
Every time I hold my precious little miracle I am so forever thankful that God didn’t give up on me and made me realize that he was giving me a precious gift and that he will only want whats best for us and he has greater plans, as Jerimiah 29:11 “… … Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

I see how amazing Hudson is doing in his recoery process and I am forever grateful.
I have been able to already start to breastfeed for about 3 days and that is going over really well which are answers to our prayers. They have also started feeding him through an NG tube which goes to his stomach instead of the NJ tube that goes directly to his small intestine (bypassing the stomach). So far what they are concerned about is him gaining weight and plumping him up for his next surgery. On top of getting his feeds through the tube he is also being breastfeed which I am happy about, he’s still getting breast milk through the tube. If they have to supplement him with formula they will, but so far so good. Today they are going to start to bolus feed him which instead of the continuous feed he has been getting every hour, they will give him the same amount he would normally get in 3hrs continuous over a 2hr period and rest for an hour… and hopefully he continues to tolerate his feedings, which will make us be a step closer to being home. We will be trained on how to give him his medications and also be taking the CPR class for infants.

I am so grateful that I have been given the gift to be a parent of three amazing kids. This journey has been amazing and will continue to be more phenomenal on the outcome of things. I know it’s not even close to being over or will it ever be over. So far I’ve learned great things, the main one being that LOVE can get you through so much confusion and hurt and reward you tremendously. So I will continue to dare to believe that all things that cause us hurt will only make us stronger and bring joy that’s unimaginable. I am actually thankful for this challenge time in our lifes.

www.beforethemorning.net

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you?
If there’s a God who loves you
Where is He now?

Oh, the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning

–Gabby