Labour and delivery and meeting Hudson (mom’s perspective)

So it’s April 17th, two days after my precious little boy Hudson was born. I am now able to start writing again or perhaps just today. Time has never been so valuable as now. I only wish I was able to stay awake for 24hrs and my body be ok with that. Unfortunately, my body needs some sleep and won’t allow for me to do that.

Well two days ago I gave birth to my precious little boy Hudson Jeremiah Torrens. Now I understand why some people have a ton of kids. All the pain is truly all worth it as soon as you see their little face for the first time. I have to say that this was the most painful labour I have endured, I had to surrender to an epidural. I was so upset about that because I thought I was stronger, but man I am NOT. The oxytocin drug they use to induce labour makes contractions a nightmare, they were horrible. I have never been in sooo much pain in my life. It didn’t help that I was starving because they didn’t let me eat anything for approx. 12hrs and I had a bad headache due to lack of food, so how did I muster up strength to give birth I have no idea.
As Chris already mentioned in his birth description I was not too happy and ready to throw his laptop out the window because he just kept typing and seemed like he wasn’t aware of what kind of pain I was in… Oh maybe he didn’t type that HE! HE!
Anyways, now I am glad he was able to share with everyone the great news.
I am so thankful and I know God was in all of it that everything went really well. I went from 3cm dilated to 10cm in a matter of 30min. I got so upset when they told me I was only 3cm, I said there is NO WAY I can endure more contractions like these for another 4hrs, as devastated as I was and felt like I was going to let everyone down, mainly Chris and the baby, but I had to have some pain relief, so I asked for the epidural. So the anesthesiologist came… and getting the epidural was as horrible as the contractions. Anyways the anesthesiologist said it would take 10min to kick in and I kept telling him I still feel them and he said, well it is working, soon after he left I told the nurse, I am still feeling everything and I need to push, sure enough it was time and this is when it got interesting. They rushed me to the operating room due to the baby having complications with heart, they wanted me to deliver in the operating room where the Stollery NICU team would be ready to take baby once delivered. Well anyways two nurses rush me to the OR and it’s the wrong room, but the other one is currently busy. So they start to freak out and as they are bringing me in the room the bed I am on, breaks in half HA!! I don’t care at this point, but now it’s pretty funny, so the bed I am lying on is falling apart and the room we are in is not the right room, nonetheless it is an operating room. Well they somewhat setup and the NICU team get there just in time because Hudson wanted to come out. So pushing is no picnic and I couldn’t stop shaking and the Dr says, “if you don’t push the right way, we are going to have to get the vacuum out.” Ok so either she tried to freak me out to try and get me to be motivated to push harder, well it worked. All I remember thinking is, I don’t want his head to be cone-shaped because of the vacuum suction HA!!! So 3 more contractions after that and he was OUT!!! And INTO this world. The Dr pulled him out and right away I saw that he was a BOY!!! It was 5:41p.m , I thought wow he looks so much like Hayden when he was born. At this point Chris is by my side and he’s actually very emotional and forgets to check if the baby is a boy or a girl. I think he was overwhelmed with emotion seeing that Hudson was finally here, like he’s actually already HERE!!! I think out of all the three kids this is the only time I have seen him cry and get really emotional. I think it’s great. It’s amazing really, baby’s are all little miracles. I have to say that I was so tired, but at the same time so aware of everything. I remember with Hayley I had no drugs at all, but I was so exhausted, I kept falling asleep every time a contraction ended and when she came out, I can’t even remember I was so exhausted. Hayden was a C-section so that was different also. They are all such awesome miracles.
So this is the awesome part about all the screw ups they had in getting us to the right room to deliver and all. Well because it was the wrong room, it didn’t have a separate room to go to with baby and NICU team, therefore, the NICU team was right beside us when Hudson was born and once they took him, he still remained in the same room and I could see everything they were doing to him, so I didn’t get to miss anything, except for being the first one to hold him, but it’s ok because once they were all done attaching stuff to him, I got to hold him for about 45min which was sooo, sooo nice and I was feeling so great, I couldn’t believe I had just delivered him. I couldn’t believe how good he looked, he was so pink in color and did not look like he needed to have all those wires attached to him ☹ he looked perfectly normal.

I was ready to walk out of there and leave with Hudson to the Stollery Hospital. So it was all a blessing to have had all of that happen really. It was meant to go that way and I am grateful for that. So eventually they had to take him away from me and that was hard to give him up ☹ but I knew he was in good hands and Chris reassured me that he was in good hands and God is with him all the way. So unfortunately they weren’t going to let me walk out of there just yet, so I waited for them to take me to my room and had to wait for a Dr to discharge me from hospital and that didn’t’ happen until around 11:00 which was ok. It gave me time to get ready and to finally have something to eat. Chris was so awesome and went and got me a WHOPPER meal, so needed some yummy, greasy food HE!! A well deserved meal I must add HE!!

So while we waited to be discharged, we got a phone call from the Stollery hospital for an update. Chris took the call and once he got back to the room, he basically just told me that it was the Dr at NICU calling to let us know Hudson had arrived and they did some fetal echo’s and ultrasound and everything looked as expected, and reconfirm he has HLHS. A part of me didn’t want to hear that, I wanted to hear that there was nothing wrong with him and they were going to send him back to be with us. I know he’s still a miracle baby and great things are yet to come out of this great trial. I finally get to be discharged and leave the Royal Alexandra Hospital and head to see our Boy Hudson to Stollery Childrens Hospital. We finally headed to see him, I could hardly wait and couldn’t believe how great I felt, I mean I was tired, but considering I had just given birth 7hrs earlier I felt good, perhaps I was just excited and eager to see my boy and didn’t feel the pain or maybe just adrenalin, I don’t know, just lots of strength from God. I had never felt this good after the other two pregnancies.
Once we got to the Stollery it was around midnight and I got to see my boy once again and got to hold him for another 45min I think, it was sooo nice, he looked so perfect with the exception of all the new wires that were added to his little body. I knew what to expect and had seen many pictures of kids with IV’s and such, but it’s so much harder when it’s your own child. I mean I just wanted to pick him up and hold him, without having to ask for help with all the equipment around him. I know it’s something I will have to put up with for a little while. I am just happy I can hold him in my arms.

Eventually we had to leave him for the night, it was now 2:00a.m and I needed to get some sort of rest, not sure that I was going to because I was leaving my child behind with really strangers, even though they are nurses and dr’s still strangers.
Once we got to the room at Ronald Mcdonald house, my Mom was there with the kids and the kids of course were already sleeping, but I was so thankful my Mom was with them. Someone the kids know and love very much, I was so grateful my Mom was able to make it out to be with them as well as Chris’s mom. Grandmas are great, they spoil the kids so much though HE! I would have never been able to get away with things my kids get away with when they are with grandparents that’s for sure. Anyways we managed to get a few hours of rest until the kids woke up at 7:00a.m and I was so happy to see them.
When Hayley saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, she wouldn’t even look my way, she wanted only to be with my Mom and absolutely nothing to do with me. I was very surprised at her reaction, never did I expect that from her at all. Obviously she knew something had changed and I hadn’t been around for an entire day for them. It made me a bit sad, but I know kids are like that and it’s ok, she has the right to feel upset or that Mommy hasn’t been around to be with her. Hayden was ok, nothing new with him, he didn’t really notice my belly wasn’t so big anymore maybe because it is still big HE!!
Well we got them ready and my mom since she’s staying with us, helped me so much with getting them ready and eating breakfast and making breakfast for all of us. I couldn’t have done it without her. Chris’s mom is staying at a friend of hers, so she didn’t get there until morning. Once everyone was ready, we headed out to see our newest addition HUDSON.
I was so excited to take the kids to see their little brother and once we got there I was amazed at how gentle and sweet they behaved while being at his bedside and Hayden talked to him and wanted to bring him home which made me teary eyed because of course I want him home. I don’t want him separated from any of us, I want all my kids together, I want to always be able to protect them from anything.

I sit here now typing away and I always get teary eyed just thinking how much I want to be with Hudson and I can’t and it’s not like I can stay with him at the hospital either, yet my other two kids need me as well. I’ve never felt so torn in my life because I just want to be two people at once, I want to be in two places at once. I want to be super Mom, I want to be able to play with my kids during the day and be able to feed them and entertain them, yet I also want to be with Hudson and snuggle with him while I can, I mean I could hold my little guy forever or any of the kids really for that matter. I just want to cry all the time, my emotions are all over the place. Every time I have to leave in the mornings to go see Hudson, I get sad because I can’t sit down and have breakfast with the other two munchkins. I get so sad when I have to leave Hudson at night time by himself. I know they are well taken care of by my Mom and Lina, but still, I miss them, I miss them because I can’t be with them like I have been able to. Hudson also needs me, he’s my little peanut that needs to be snuggled and needs physical touch from his Mommy and I am more than willing to give it.
So far it’s only been 3days since he came into our lives and so much has changed. Our days are long and I get very little sleep, next to none if feels like. Sometimes I just want to go into a corner and cry because I am so overwhelmed. God, how am I going to get through this? I want to be the best mom I can be, but how? I want to be able to balance everything from being at the Hospital if Hudson needs me to being at this house if the other two kids need me. I pray that I can be strong enough for the rougher road to come and for strength for my kids and husband. Sometimes it feels like I am all alone, yet I am not, I have lots of help but the emotions are sometimes not something anyone can help out with.

Anyways, it’s midnight now and it’s taken me 2 days to write this, don’t know if I will be able to keep it up and keep everyone posted on things. I am sure Chris will.